I’m aware that I’m treading in murky waters with this topic, but why not? What is the worst thing that can happen, right? So here we go.
A lot of people find love in their twenties; and the twenties has always been perceived as the age at which we find the ‘person of our dreams.’ First, I’d like to point out that this is actually not possible, because dreams are not real. By the way, I speak of the dreams we have in our sleep during REM , and not the ones which are objects or achievements of our desire. Right, so some dreams are recreations of our experiences, but many of them are just our minds running wild. So let’s stop waiting on that. Anyway, this post is not about people and dreams so let me stop rambling.
This post is about the pursuit of love, romantic love. As we grow up and go through puberty and teenage hood and become young adults, there is more and more pressure to find love; pressure from media, movies, family and friends. Somehow what seems to happen is, some of us don’t actually find this love. You know the theory of: the more you look for something the harder it is to find? I have reason to believe that that theory applies here. Of course there’s the few who have mastered this art of finding, but a good number of us throw our hearts into the battlefield and come out empty and wounded – a result of being ill-prepared for the task.
We are in such a hurry to be in love. It makes for cute photos for Instagram, endless Snaps, long messages from your significant other, and gifts and a hand to hold…which are not all bad by the way, (except the endless Snaps, but this is not the topic either) but I think love is so much more than that. I wouldn’t dare to say that I have figured it out, but if you keep your eyes and ears open, you’ll learn a thing or two.
What I’ve learnt is that love is a conscious choice, not a feeling; because feelings are fleeting, they come and go. One must decide to love, but what happens is we fail to understand the gravity of this and so we fail at love. I think that this generation has become obsessed with the idea, or theory of love, and in turn we overlook the reality of it. All we think about is how glamorous it can be, forgetting that even diamonds have to be extracted from the rock. And thats some hard work.
Something else that I learnt recently is that if you can’t find happiness in yourself, you will not find it in someone else. And in fact you should not look for it in someone else, because you may end up causing collateral damage. So don’t be in such a hurry. Think of time and milestones as a human construct. There is no right time to fall in love, and no right time to get married. There are no rules dictating how and when these things should happen. Each person’s path is mapped out differently and the journey of his or her life is beautiful and unique in its form. So breath easy. This is not an assignment; there are no deadlines.
Your task is not to seek for love, but merely to seek and find all the barriers within yourself that you have built against it. ~ Rumi